But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
