I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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