Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
