I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize