i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
