girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
