I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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