I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
