Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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