so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im holly from the hills drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
