Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
