I just threw up on my dentist
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
