I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your cock deserves a montage
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
