Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
