It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And then he peed in my hair
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