puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
