in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
