i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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