Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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