it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
