bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
