I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
