I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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