i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
