sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
