Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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