do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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