You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
