I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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