i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
