I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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