how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
