I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
