Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
