I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize