if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
