The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
