Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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