it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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