how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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