i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
