Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
