Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize