it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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