I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
