so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
