Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
