Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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