pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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