I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
