We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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