I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
