I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
