Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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