I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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