I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
