What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
