You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
