This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize