Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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