Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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