okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
