if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
