Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
